Right then. Memoirs, eh? Some blighter thinks his own piffle is worth the ink. Life, it seems, this grand outward shuffle from the nursery puddle to the ...

I think women get better with age, but men seem to go rapidly downhill. Even the b*****d told me he’d had cancer aged 50 and has a dodgy ankle. ‘That’s it,’ he said. ‘Now you know everything.’ Ha! I ...